Little Did I Know

The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions. - Leonardo Di Vinci

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a condition with symptoms including inattention, impulsivitity and hyperactivity.  A slightly less crazy version of the same, is predominantly inattentive ADHD (or ADD). ADD does not have the hyperactivity aspect, but includes problems focusing, being easily distracted, and trouble following directions and conversations. The diagnosis of these disorders have been on the rise the last 20 years. It is unclear whether that is due to new contributing factors, or if they are just able to more easily identify the disorders.

I admit it; I used to think an ADHD diagnosis was just a convenient label for undisciplined kids resulting from passive parenting. I thought it was over-diagnosed, and the medication over prescribed. I felt that if kids were just loved and disciplined more, they would all be "normal" and not have to "act out" for attention.

Yep, we all like normal...normal is comfortable.

Through the years, I have become painstakingly familiar with God's response to my general comfort - especially when I am lounging in the cozy, safety of my own opinion. I am also well acquainted with his approach when he is about to bestow his wisdom upon me. To save time, and my prolonged foolishness, he usually cuts straight to my heart. It is an effective approach, and always painful, but I know he does it because he loves me and wants me grow.  He doesn't want me to live in the "deception of my own opinion."

As I started this journey learning about ADHD, I found that even when I truly wanted to understand this disorder, I just couldn't relate. I thought I would never really know what it felt like to live with it.... until I watched this video.

After watching that video, I understood that it is not enough to tell someone with ADHD to focus. Their brain simply doesn't know what stimuli to pay attention to.  And, even when they try, it is difficult to shut off all of the other messages firing around them. That video was hardly tolerable for me to watch; I can't imagine what it was like in someone's head.  It is annoying, confusing, and frustrating; I couldn't wait for it to end! And then it did. With a press of a button, I turned it off.

People with ADHD don't get that luxury.

Often, anxiety disorders live alongside ADHD.  I can imagine why!  This really compounds the struggle. With both ADD and anxiety, the brain is not only trying to negotiate external stimuli, the entire body is experiencing a physiological response for survival! I have found that kids, especially, have this incredible ability to put on masks, to satisfy society's expectations of normality. Whatever mask provides them cover and comfort, they will wear: masks of humor, apathy, promiscuity, or anger. However, if they are exposed, they lose their coping strategy and they can panic. When they panic, their bodies go straight into "fight or flight" instincts for self-protection. That never ending space between feeling overwhelmed and anxious, is physically and mentally exhausting. The effort to focus and the pressure to perform can be paralyzing, and the failure succeed at it, can lead to depression.

Oh my.... these are heartbreaking lessons.

I believe in my heart that all kids want to succeed in life - and can - with the right encouragement and support. But our definition of success cannot be "sameness." If we truly believe God crafted each of us uniquely, that must include our brains. And if God created each of us in his image, then all brains must have equal value. We must stop placing value on this elusive idea of "normal."

In my own humility, I have come to understand that is not as simple as enough love or the right discipline to raise a successful child. Many times it takes the right information, a lot of determination, and understanding from others.  It takes patience, and partnerships and prayer.  And even with all of that, each child will still have their own path to success and their own definition of what that is.

I know it is sometimes difficult to accept those who don't fit society's definition of "normal."  I know it hard to understand someone's behavior when they don't respond the way we want them to. I know it is challenging to teach people differently, especially when the system isn't set up that way.  But I also know... through this journey, that the effort is worth it.

I am ever thankful through these life lessons, that God doesn't just wack me upside the head and leave me face-down on the pavement. Instead he walks alongside me, teaching me, comforting me, forgiving me, and giving me his Spirit - so that when I finish the difficult journey, I might better reflect God's grace in my life.

And so.... the journey continues.

"Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. In the exercise of His will He brought us forth by the word of truth, so that we would be a kind of first fruits among His creatures."  - James 1:16‭-‬18 NASB

To learn more about ADHD, visit CHADD.ORG