I am not my Own

Being pro-life and pro-choice is an oxymoron. They are diametrically opposed to one another. If you are pro-choice, you cannot be pro-life. To say you are pro-life personally and pro-choice politically reflects a lack of moral clarity. 

I tried to hold onto this “pro-choice for others, but pro-life for me” view coming out of college 20+ years ago. In my own heart, I would never have considered terminating my own pregnancy or rejecting my baby, but, I would never have presumed to make that decision for others!  After all, I was not God!  I couldn’t say the value of an unborn child held more value than the mother’s. I could not insist that woman, brutally raped, would suffer more from an abortion than carrying the consequence of her attack for nine months. No!  I would not sit in the judgement seat for fellow women. After all, I was well-educated, progressive in thought, and rather despised being told what to do myself!  I grew up on the coat tails of women’s liberation and I enjoyed unconstrained freedom in my early adulthood. This had all served me quite well, thank you. 

Or...so I had thought.

In college, I managed to see just about everything the world had to offer me, and experience much of what women before me had fought passionately for.  But, as I left the cocoon of academia, I soon discovered that I not only acquired a lot of knowledge, but a lot of confusion. I had an impressive degree to show for my academic efforts, but also a host of regrets to show for my personal choices. 

Yes, choices. My choices.  Foolish choices with consequences. Consequences that I was not adequately prepared for, and ramifications that I would not realize until years later.  I didn’t have the foresight or maturity to know how my behavior would impact me and others in my future.  Nor, in my selfish ambition, did I care.  I was young, impulsive, and free.

“Remember not the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions: according to thy mercy remember thou me for thy goodness' sake, O Lord” Psalm 25:7.

The transition from college to the “real world” was the most trans-formative time in my life. Despite my independence, I found that I knew little about who I was. I thought I had the whole world before me, but was left with little understanding of how to plot my own course. That corridor of my life led me to search out the faith that I had thus far, only considered upon convenience.  

God knew my inconstant ways! The Bible says, “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.” Prov. 22:15. The youth is full with folly (Job 12:12; Prov. 19:20), and age alone does not lead to wisdom. We all know plenty of adults who were spared the rod of discipline and never overcame their foolishness! Nor will studies bring true enlightenment (Ecc. 12:12). No... the quest for wisdom leads way beyond the bounds of human efforts, as James counsels:  "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him” (James 1:5).  Could it be that simple?

The journey for me was far from easy. Anyone who knows me, knows I am pretty stubborn and equally opinionated. Surrendering my views to Christ's views took time and remains an ongoing effort for me. So believe me when I say, even as I sought after Christ, I plead my case for pro-choice as passionately as I stand now against it. The problem with my arguments in favor of a woman's choice, wasn’t that I was lacking intellectual strength, but consistency in principle. To make a convincing argument for abortion, I had to first abort all other moral judgments. It was a frustrating time for me, because in my effort to be compassionate, I was robbing myself of a soul.  Lest that sound dramatic, let me explain...

The more I came to know Christ as Creator, the less I could hold dear to my own human understanding. To limit God's ways, based on my view of what was merciful or beneficial for anyone else, was putting myself in HIS place more than I was before! God boldly revealed to me, 

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8-9).

What a relief to release that burden!  It was no longer about moral equity, but eternal insight. By realizing my human limitations, I was able to gain moral clarity by accepting what I know to be true (God's Word) and what I don't (God's ways).  It changed the murky and complex dialogue from one of human rights to one of divine omniscience. It was no longer my interest to argue about bodily autonomy, quality of life, or healthcare accessibility. Instead I could rest in the absolute truth that we are not in a position to know what is best for us.  To even presume we know what is best - a birth or an abortion – is absurd, because we don't know how God will use that experience in out lives. The only course forward for me, as a believer in an all-knowing and all powerful God, is to surrender everything to Him - and take Him at his Word.

The first thing I learned about his Word was this simple, humbling truth, discovered at the foot of the Cross:  I am not my own. 

Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s. (I Cor. 6:19-20) 

My valuation of human life – and on all subsequent issues of humanity - fundamentally changed when I understood the sacrifice my Heavenly Father made for me. It was then I understood we have no value apart from Christ - and to Christ, we all have value. How amazing it was to discover that he knit me in my mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13-18), loved me while I yet sinned (Romans 5:8), and then accepted me as his own (2 Chron. 30:9)!

God cannot reveal his plan for us when human perspective gets in the way.  When we ignore his teaching, violate his laws and reject his grace, based on our understanding, we cut ourselves off from his love, his protection and his wisdom. We all have different experiences and different views, but there is one truth we all have in common - we do know the future.  We cannot know the regrets we might have, the opportunities we may miss, or the blessings we may forfeit from our decisions. But we do know who does.  And if I am to praise him in times of victory, I must trust him in times of tribulation.  It has become a simple argument for me - and it is an unwavering truth: "It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man." Psalm 118:8

A Feminist in a Post-Feminist World

My Mother should have been aborted.

I wonder if she would have, if her mother had been given a choice.

What saddens me most, though, is how many people who know and love my mother continue to support the detestable practice that easily could have prevented her existence. In fact, I believe many of our family and friends would not only have defended an abortion in my grandmother's circumstances, but would have celebrated and defended her right to end my mother's life. I cannot help be offended by the mere thought that they believe my mother's life has so little value.

I do not know all the details – but I do know my birth-grandmother had few if no other “choice” than to face the consequences of her actions. I'd like to think that regardless of the laws in 1948, she would have chosen life for her baby.  I believe she not only wanted to give birth to her little girl, but had intended to love and provide for her.  I think she understood that she made her “choice” when she became pregnant. I imagine she was ostracized in her community and paid a high price for her unfortunate condition during that era.  She was a poor, unwed teenager without a means provide for her little girl. Without the assistance of welfare and the protection of fair labor laws, I am sure she did the best she could, for as long as she could....

Finally, one day, she bathed and dressed her adorable two-year old daughter in her finest dress and courageously and traumatically, delivered her to a local orphanage. My biological grandmother bravely, and painfully choose to surrender motherhood, so another family could provide a better life for my mom – so my mom could realize all that she could be. She didn't selfishly chose to END her life, she selflessly chose to give her a BETTER life.

Being granted her right to life, my mother had the privilege of experiencing an incredible era for women. She was raised in the 60’s and graduated the same year the first Civil Rights Act of 1968 was passed, forbidding discrimination in the workplace based on gender. In 1972, she witnessed the passage of Title IX, expanding educational programs and sports to women. Doors were opening and equality was advancing.

While she was pregnant with me, her peers marched on D.C., in favor of legalizing abortion (Roe v. Wade, 1973). Ironically, that historic Supreme Court decision fell on the heels of two other important footnotes in history: the legalization of contraception for married couples (Griswold v. Connecticut, 1965) and the legalized use of contraceptives for single women (Eisenstadt v. Baird, 1972). We don’t hear much about those... Perhaps if women would have exercised those rights, we would not have needed the ladder.

In 1973, women-only military units were eliminated, clearly in response to their capable and brave service alongside men in Vietnam, Korea and WWII. Closing out the women's movement in the 1970’s, women celebrated the victory of non-discrimination in the workplace, based on maternity or family status, in 1978.

The 1960’s and 1970’s brought about real and important changes for women in America. These advancements have not been without controversy, failures or areas for improvement – but they were all historically important and have huge impacts on society. I think it is amazing that my beautiful mother was a product of that era and that her life was shaped by these events.

It is interesting, that even though my Mom is a strong, outspoken, confident and capable women who lived during these societal shifts, believes in equality, and has benefited from the advancement of women’s rights, would NEVER call herself a "feminist" by today’s social-political definition.  And I know that because what this generation believes is "feminism," isn't.

Feminism, in its purest form is defined as “the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes” or “the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.” Although equally shocking for their time in history, those were the goals of the feminist movement of the 60's. Born out of the “free love” generation of the 70’s, the expansion of feminism beyond 1980 began to include advocacy of bodily autonomy, as a women’s right. Thus started the “post-feminism” movement.

Post-feminism, instead of challenging the laws of man, focuses on redefining the laws of nature. This movement is motivated by pushing the boundaries of science itself, by rejecting much of what we know of gender identity, psychology, morality and human development. This has been wildly popular movement and has enjoyed an expansion of their base to include many men. It plays well into fleshly desires, reducing the stigma and alleviating the consequences of promiscuous behavior. To promote this platform, the post-feminist movement has rather effectively transformed our society into gender-less collection of mammals, who have no individuality or inherent value. Their goals appear not to be the celebration of human rights, but the extraction of human distinction.

When my mother met her mother for the first time about 20 years ago, she didn't meet a victim. She was happy my mother had a good life.  And my mother didn't ask her why she made the choices she made. She was just happy her mother put her welfare first.  My mom simply thanked her for loving her – for trying – for bravely and heart-breakingly giving her up, so that she could have a future.

THAT is what being a woman is about... to love and care for others - especially our children.  If you are unsure who's life is more important, you better make sure you never create one. Because the minute you do, that choice is not longer yours. If you do not want a child, take proactive measures to make sure you never have one.  Women can CHOOSE to have a hysterectomy; Men can CHOOSE to have a vasectomy! Exercise your rights to birth control.  THAT concerns your body and your right. But, the life that lives inside you is not your right to terminate.  But you cannot have it both ways. You cannot on one hand fight for equality, and then change the scales in your favor.

Being a feminist isn’t hiding in a crowd of 100,000 people, screaming profanity, being vulgar, demeaning other women, decrying men or demanding your way. Women before us were not fighting for the freedom to become equally immoral. We did not earn our rights at the expense of the rights of others. Being a feminist provides the opportunity to embrace womanhood, honor motherhood and respect the lives of all humans. It has awarded us a voice - use that voice to defend the rights of others and protect those who have no voice.  

Prov. 31
/tmw