A Feminist in a Post-Feminist World

My Mother should have been aborted.

I wonder if she would have, if her mother had been given a choice.

What saddens me most, though, is how many people who know and love my mother continue to support the detestable practice that easily could have prevented her existence. In fact, I believe many of our family and friends would not only have defended an abortion in my grandmother's circumstances, but would have celebrated and defended her right to end my mother's life. I cannot help be offended by the mere thought that they believe my mother's life has so little value.

I do not know all the details – but I do know my birth-grandmother had few if no other “choice” than to face the consequences of her actions. I'd like to think that regardless of the laws in 1948, she would have chosen life for her baby.  I believe she not only wanted to give birth to her little girl, but had intended to love and provide for her.  I think she understood that she made her “choice” when she became pregnant. I imagine she was ostracized in her community and paid a high price for her unfortunate condition during that era.  She was a poor, unwed teenager without a means provide for her little girl. Without the assistance of welfare and the protection of fair labor laws, I am sure she did the best she could, for as long as she could....

Finally, one day, she bathed and dressed her adorable two-year old daughter in her finest dress and courageously and traumatically, delivered her to a local orphanage. My biological grandmother bravely, and painfully choose to surrender motherhood, so another family could provide a better life for my mom – so my mom could realize all that she could be. She didn't selfishly chose to END her life, she selflessly chose to give her a BETTER life.

Being granted her right to life, my mother had the privilege of experiencing an incredible era for women. She was raised in the 60’s and graduated the same year the first Civil Rights Act of 1968 was passed, forbidding discrimination in the workplace based on gender. In 1972, she witnessed the passage of Title IX, expanding educational programs and sports to women. Doors were opening and equality was advancing.

While she was pregnant with me, her peers marched on D.C., in favor of legalizing abortion (Roe v. Wade, 1973). Ironically, that historic Supreme Court decision fell on the heels of two other important footnotes in history: the legalization of contraception for married couples (Griswold v. Connecticut, 1965) and the legalized use of contraceptives for single women (Eisenstadt v. Baird, 1972). We don’t hear much about those... Perhaps if women would have exercised those rights, we would not have needed the ladder.

In 1973, women-only military units were eliminated, clearly in response to their capable and brave service alongside men in Vietnam, Korea and WWII. Closing out the women's movement in the 1970’s, women celebrated the victory of non-discrimination in the workplace, based on maternity or family status, in 1978.

The 1960’s and 1970’s brought about real and important changes for women in America. These advancements have not been without controversy, failures or areas for improvement – but they were all historically important and have huge impacts on society. I think it is amazing that my beautiful mother was a product of that era and that her life was shaped by these events.

It is interesting, that even though my Mom is a strong, outspoken, confident and capable women who lived during these societal shifts, believes in equality, and has benefited from the advancement of women’s rights, would NEVER call herself a "feminist" by today’s social-political definition.  And I know that because what this generation believes is "feminism," isn't.

Feminism, in its purest form is defined as “the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes” or “the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.” Although equally shocking for their time in history, those were the goals of the feminist movement of the 60's. Born out of the “free love” generation of the 70’s, the expansion of feminism beyond 1980 began to include advocacy of bodily autonomy, as a women’s right. Thus started the “post-feminism” movement.

Post-feminism, instead of challenging the laws of man, focuses on redefining the laws of nature. This movement is motivated by pushing the boundaries of science itself, by rejecting much of what we know of gender identity, psychology, morality and human development. This has been wildly popular movement and has enjoyed an expansion of their base to include many men. It plays well into fleshly desires, reducing the stigma and alleviating the consequences of promiscuous behavior. To promote this platform, the post-feminist movement has rather effectively transformed our society into gender-less collection of mammals, who have no individuality or inherent value. Their goals appear not to be the celebration of human rights, but the extraction of human distinction.

When my mother met her mother for the first time about 20 years ago, she didn't meet a victim. She was happy my mother had a good life.  And my mother didn't ask her why she made the choices she made. She was just happy her mother put her welfare first.  My mom simply thanked her for loving her – for trying – for bravely and heart-breakingly giving her up, so that she could have a future.

THAT is what being a woman is about... to love and care for others - especially our children.  If you are unsure who's life is more important, you better make sure you never create one. Because the minute you do, that choice is not longer yours. If you do not want a child, take proactive measures to make sure you never have one.  Women can CHOOSE to have a hysterectomy; Men can CHOOSE to have a vasectomy! Exercise your rights to birth control.  THAT concerns your body and your right. But, the life that lives inside you is not your right to terminate.  But you cannot have it both ways. You cannot on one hand fight for equality, and then change the scales in your favor.

Being a feminist isn’t hiding in a crowd of 100,000 people, screaming profanity, being vulgar, demeaning other women, decrying men or demanding your way. Women before us were not fighting for the freedom to become equally immoral. We did not earn our rights at the expense of the rights of others. Being a feminist provides the opportunity to embrace womanhood, honor motherhood and respect the lives of all humans. It has awarded us a voice - use that voice to defend the rights of others and protect those who have no voice.  

Prov. 31
/tmw