Over the years, I have collected many regrets speaking
when I shouldn’t, and saying things best left unsaid. I have had to ask
for forgiveness more times than I have liked; worst when I was unaware of the
damage done. Obviously this gift was left unfettered during my formidable and independent years, and self-control has been a relatively recent addition to my temperament. In
truth, the Lord has spent the last 20 years lovingly admonishing me – reminding
me that he not only governs my tongue, but also that everything which passes over it, reflects
on Him.
They say that with age and experience, comes wisdom. The most impactful experience
for me has been parenting. It is a humbling
experience to give counsel to my children, when I still struggle with heeding
my own advice. I can only pray through the process, my children will
resist those fleshly responses at an earlier age, with greater ease. Even
now, I wrestle with the question of when to speak up, and when to let things go - especially when it is on behalf of my children. As my children grow, I also consider when
they should handle their own concerns, and when adults should be involved.
Most parents can appreciate that even with the best of intentions,
usually parental intervention does more harm than good.
There have been a few situations lately that have been
weighing on my kids’ hearts and minds. Many are related to growing up,
figuring out who they are, where they fit in, what others think of them, and
what God expects of them. These relational challenges are exacerbated by new
routines, busy schedules, the day to day politics of Jr High and High
School. As these topics are raised, I have tried to listen, give Godly
counsel and pray. It remains such a powerful, parental temptation to jump in
and fix our children’s hurts. But, as I have told them, the world doesn’t
work that way – and part of my job is to prepare them for the world they will
live in. They must learn to navigate situations that are unclear, unfair, and
unrighteous.
On the other hand, I also feel it is my responsibility to
advocate for circumstances that give my kids a reasonable opportunity to
achieve success. This is a great challenge. The relationship between parent and educator is a delicate one, based on respect and trust. We put our trust in teachers and coaches and we respect the decisions that that make. Further, although we can have a voice in their education, we cannot possibly control their environment. Even Christian schools are made up of many different families, backgrounds and beliefs. Humans and institutions are fallible, and life is rarely fair.
Outsiders may
believe that Christian Schools over-protect kids or provide an unrealistic, utopian experience. I would argue that
although the expectations may be greater, so greater is the frustration when there is a disparity in adherence. It is hard to teach God’s Word in black and white, within such a grey world.
So, this year, I created a little list for myself, to keep running
through my mind, each time my kids come with tears in their eyes, or a
complaint on their lips…. I did this as much for me as them, as I still find myself resisting the temptation to speak. Perhaps you will benefit from my experience and consider these proverbial truths as well.
* There are two sides to every story, and the missing one
tells the tale
* Giving people the benefit of the doubt usually saves an
apology
* Being quick to forgive averts an unnecessary
confrontation
* My viewpoint is probably valid, but life is a prism of
perspectives
* Observations are better received than accusations
* Identifying right problems is more profitable than providing wrong solutions
* Raw emotions fade quickly, but wrong responses linger
* Relationships always, always, always trump being right
* When all else seems impossible, consider you might be wrong
* I am still learning. . . .
